State of Fatherhood

BET Videos

Dads matter, and it's ridiculous for us to act as if all it takes is a loving mom. DADS DO MATTER


Personally, I feel that there isn't enough focus or credit given to black men who are good dads. I believe some black men are nurturing, responsible, caring, loving, and supportive dads.

And, I feel that there are more good black dads out here than what is ever talked about. They very seldom come up in our conversations and all the male friends and associates that I know are very much active in their kids lyfe.

But, I'm still stuck with this question though: with the rise of kids having kids and so many one nite stands having babies- will their be an increase or decrease with Black men staying on the scene and building relationships with their kids in 2010 and future years?

What do you think?

Dear Lover of My Soul

As I journey through self-discovery, I sometimes write myself letters and sometimes I just write prayers. Here is a prayer that I wrote and wanted to share:

Dear Keeper and lover of my soul,
I'm a little scared and I'm excited at the same time. Lord, you know that I'm in a season of lyfe that has changed just like the weather has and as I journey on please God give me the courage to look myself in the eye and seek your truth.
I pray that you help me be honest and help me overcome the barriers that seem to keep me from love, happiness and success. I can't overcome them without you working them out.
You are the keeper and lover of my soul and I ask that you Give me your devine strength and willingness to lean on you. Help me to call on you as a source of healing to heal from any and all past hurts.
Dear God, give me the peace that I need to handle present circumstances that rise up before me. Heal me from being broken and make me whole in your eyes. Help me to depend on you and only you.
Be my guide and the lover of my soul, for you are the one that stands beside me as I go through this season of lyfe. I love you for who you are and I thank you for devine healing.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Believe Dat

I kinda like this video! and in case you didn't know....guess what?

H E M A D E Y O U B E A U T I F U L

DIVA of MOTIVATION

The Diva of Motivation @ Yahoo! Video

I consider myself to be a motivational speaker. I love listening and attending seminars that are motivational.

This girl was short and sweet.


Defination of DIVA: besides being a female hustler (lol)

D-devinely
I-Inspired
V-Victorously
A-Annointed


Walk like you know......It's time to start walking like you know!

Passing down the name "Stella"

The name "Stella" officially has been passed on to my BFF "Tracey Galloway". This girl is most definitely getting her groove back! I absolutely love it.

We recently been hanging out together and when I say COUGAR in the house, trust me; she got her claws in her CUB. Her CUBBY (her Winston) is loving her up!

I think it's so amazing because if you know her, you would know just 1 year ago she was laying on "Death Bed" and now she's swagging in her Stilettos and rocking those hips!

I officially without any regret hand her down the title "Stella". She is walking this name out and I'm happy for her. Girl got her swag.

Which by the way, I just had someone tell me "Stella"; you never lost it-you always had it and with that said; I don't mind sharing the title.

So im proud to officially call "Tracey Galloway" the new STELLA!!
I'm happy for her and she definitely deserves it.

She said the secret is: "HAVE FUN AND DONT WAIT ON WINSTON". She got her Winston and he is loving her up and down. "Go Stella"

It's fun to finally have some fun again!!!

Muzzle the Bitch

Bitten by the Office Bitch. A survey showed that 1 in 4 workers is willing to sink their fangs into you just to get ahead. Watch out and don't get bitten by:
THE STEALER: Sticky fingers who swipes your ideas and passes them off as their own.
THE SQUEALER: Sneaks in and runs straight to the boss' office and tells everything.
THE SPOTLIGHT: Goes out of their way to ask you questions that they know the answer to just to attempt to make you look bad or stupid in front of higher ups.
THE WEASEL: Guess who's spreading the rumors about your "SUCKY" job performance?
THE FORGETTER: Meant to tell you the assignment was due yesterday, but oopsie!

Don't get bitten by them. Muzzle that bitch!

RENEW the MIND

This image of Spike Lee reminds me of strength-positive thoughts and focus!

Set our mind on things above. Those things that are pure, lovely, lovable, kind, winsome, and gracious. That simply means to continually choose 24/7 to keep our mind on positive things.

Ummm. Easy said then done, I know. Especially when lyfe's challenges weighs in on you and you developed a piss poor attitude of woe is me. So, how do you ascertain this thought of keeping your mind elevated? I'm glad you ask.

When we get bombarded with those thoughts like, If its discouraging, destructive, if it brings you fear, worry, doubt or unbelief, if the thought makes you feel weak, insecure or inadequate? Guess What? I can guarantee you those thoughts are not from above and you need to get rid of those thoughts immediately.

You see, when you dwell on the devil's lies and the negative takes roots it will create a stronghold in your mind that attacks your inner being. WOW. A Stronghold. What is a stronghold? I'm glad you asked: A stronghold is an incorrect thinking pattern that has molded itself into our way of thinking. These strongholds have the capability to affect our feelings, how we respond to various situations in life, and they play a large role in our spiritual freedom.

It is important for us to always make a quality choice to keep our mind focused on the good things so we can experience Gods very best for our lyfe. We have to be especially on guard during those crisis and challenging times to watch that our thoughts don't create strongholds. When trouble strikes, most of the time our minds are not set on positive thoughts.

Lets be real. How many of us have negative thoughts that have been running in a river flow in our minds for months, years and it just is eroding into a deeper river of negativity. Do you have the PESSIMISTIC stronghold? Never believing anything positive.

Forutntely, we all can redirect our flow. We can cause a new river to flow. One that is positive.

Friend, let me tell you, we don't have to sit back and allow negative, critical thoughts to influence our lyfe anymore.

Transform your lyfe by the RENEWING of your MIND. But remember, the river of negativity wasn't formed overnight, nor will it be redirected without some conscious effort.

So choose today to redirect your River and loose those strongholds.

You have a new river flowing!

(I have set before you lyfe or death, blessings or curses; so therefore choose lyfe and live) Deuteronomy 30:19 NKJV

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

ASHLEYs FAM

Monica Precious Lord
Uploaded by YaBoiRaW. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

This is dedicated to the family of ASHLEY:

Precious Lord:
Have you ever looked back at things and saw your grandmomma, or someone in your lyfe who you loved and was inspirational to you? I never thought I would turn into my grandmother. But one thing about my nanna, she was a praying woman. She taught me strength through Christ and no matter what or where you are in lyfe, you can call on him and HE WILL ANSWER.

This was her song and I remember Sunday mornings and when things got to deep for her, she would blast this song. You see, she lived right next door to us in the projects of Washington DC. I love my nanna and I remember her singing and hummminng this tune. Now I have adopted this tune>

And, I'm praying and singing this tune for the family of ASHLEY. I'm so sorry.

R.I.P.

What's Going On?

Tonight, I watched the VMAs Awards and it seems like we got set back 30 years. Where's the respect for one another? Honestly, I think Kanye's stunt was a set-up just to gain more numbers for twitter, myspace and broadcasting. I think his ass was used and he sold out. Maybe I'm just naive and can't see anyone being that damn NIGGERISH and stupid.

The Night before I witness two young girls fighting while all others stood by and watched. As of tonight, I'm not even sure if one of those girls is the gild who got shot and died. But seeing people unwilling to break up a fight, just stand there and watch them made me mad. I literally had to roll my window down and yell out, Would one of you stop the damn fight? What's going on?

My heart is sad, a young female died un-neccesarily from a "Gun". If this young women didn't die instant, I know the burning sensation that she felt while waiting for help. Help that never came. I can't understand the hate of some people. Why all the hate. No one deserves to die in an un-godly way. If this issue is domestic violence it just further shows the urgency of reaching our young women. Whatever the issue is; my heart is aching right now and I keep asking: What's going on?

My heart crys and weeps for this young girls family and anyone who knew this girl. Im a mother and I know what's its like to cry out for your child. A parent will lay down their lyfe for their child, trust me; we would.

I'm thinking about: When will We Overcome? What's going on? Our young people have very little respect for lyfe. The older ones, well we seem to turn our heads and not want to take the time to reach-teach-guide and mentor our young people. How many deaths, how many killings, shootings will it take?

Even with this blogging, look at how quick we are to scam through someone's post and never even give a comment. Is our blogging all in vain? Are we just blogging for folks to read into our lyfes past judgement and move on? I'm just as quilty as the next, so again; I ask: What's going on? Are we a people who hate, cheat, lie and don't give a shit about others feelings?

The song "We Shall Overcome" seems to be lost by the wayside. We just can't even say a kind word to one another let alone be nice and help build up people. For me, I'm personally sick of the senseless deaths, the youths that are lost, the women who have no self esteem and the men who hate themselves. What's going on?

When will we begin to tear down, build and Re-build the walls that separate, kill and destroy us.

What's going on and When Will We Overcome?

STELLA RULES

I know some may say, this sounds so corny or bitter. Some may say, hell I know that already. and some may say: that's why your alone. But for me, I must say: It's been a real learning experience.

For me, I would say: Rules are set in motion to be used as tools. Tools to guide you through and keep you with values, boundaries and expectations. Rules are made to be broken, this I know: I broke every last one of these.

I thought about all the young ladies out here and how easy they are and how I'm hearing how empty they feel after giving themselves to men who don't care. I'm one of those ladies. You know, I thought about how we are easily broken when we don't have the self esteem backing us up. Easily broken simply because they don't have any set rules. No value for themselves.

So, as I learned from breaking all the rules; I hope someone can gain from keeping, making and owning up to their own rules.
Here we go:
STELLA RULES
1. Never EVER become so desparate that you forsake your own needs. You have needs too.
2. Never tell him first you love him, without him showing/telling you first he cares.
3. Don’t waste your time on a fantasy relationship. You should never have to wonder where you stand.
4. Never become the hidden factor. Meaning “THE OTHER WOMAN”, If he can't own you up. Fuck em.
5. If he doesn’t want to build a bond with your kids; He doesn’t plan on staying around, so again…
Fuck Em!
6. Never give your pearls to swine. If he can't support you and the things you do. Yea, that's right...Fuck em!
7. If the man/woman only text you every now and again and unable to call you: Fuck Em! (don’t give him the time of day, cuz its obvious your not too important to him)
8. If the man/woman can’t take you out on a date: Fuck Em!
9. Never allow him to only call you after 2am. If you only hear from him during those times: You’re a booty call; and you know what to say; Fuck Em! That’s right.
10. If he doesn’t take you around his family: Fuck Em. That’s means you’re not worth getting to know.
11. If you never meet his true inner circle of friends; his/her buddies: That means you’re defintely not wifey material to him; your a play toy. so, Fuck em.
12. If he can’t wish you a Happy Birthday on your special day; ladies what do you say: that’s right. Fuck Em!
13. If you can’t rely on him for anything; Fuck em.
14. If you keep finding yourself on the giving end and getting shit in return; fuck em.
15. If you never spent the night with him and he only wants a fuck and kicks you out or either graps his pants and leaves; fuck em.
16. After fucking him and he goes for days without even a text; you know what to do: Fuck Em.
17. If he says, I’ll call you if anything changes: Fuck Em.

I was just sitting here chilling watching "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" and sipping on my glass of wine and I began to think of Rules that women/young girls and even brothas should have for themselves. You know the saying, If you don’t love yourself….that man...that woman... will spot it a mile away. He will dogg the shit out of you, if you let him.

Love yourself first and then you will find that man who will love you back. Don't let him/her mistreat you anymore, remember: You're way to deserving to allow mistreatment. Trust me - someone will love you have you by their side. So get that attitude and stop letting the doggs mistreat you. Simply say: Fuck Em!

I would love to hear some of your "Fuck Em Rules". Go ahead a list your own, we all could use a few; I'm sure.

Where's Winston's Ass At?

I finally got my cable today. My house is starting to look like a home again. It's back to feeling comfy and cozy. Got my two damn boxes of candles out and its just a sweet aroma scent that fills my home with a relaxing, quiet, cozy feeling of energy. It's my safe haven called home. You know, I just realized I haven't called my home a safe haven since Steubenville. Wow!

But, where the hell is Winston's ass?

What better way to spend my first night with cable then watching my show "How Stella Got Her Groove Back". I stopped after work and picked up one of my friends, Ms. Chardonnay. I spoke about her before, she visits every now and again and always gives you a sweet smooth taste and a relaxing feeling. Anyway,

Where's my Winston? Dmanit- I need to feel Winston beside me loving me and loving every part of me.

Angela Bassett is really a sexy cougar on this picture. I love this show and in case you didn't know, this is where I got my name. A special friend actually called me this through email a long time ago.

For now, lets just say....I need me a Winston.

Have you seen his ass anywhere? If you see him, tell him "Stella is looking for him!"

Feeling the Heartbeat

This was very difficult for me to accept as well as it was for me to share: Over the past several months, I think I been in somewhat of a pre-mid lyfe crisis. Turning 45 and facing personal setbacks, mishaps, betrayal and experiencing the empty nest syndrome has been a tough road.

I think this past weekend really took me to the road of Acceptance to Let Go. Have you ever been in love? Ever felt the warmth of someone's heart?

Here is when you know you're special with someone:
1. When your very last thought at nite is of him/her
2. When your very first thought is of him/her in the morning
3. When being with them makes you feel like you're the most important person on earth
4. When your family tells you that there something different about you
5. When his/her friends knows who you are and you hang out with them
6. When you would climb the highest mountain for them
7. When you feel empty and lost without them
8. When the connection makes you feel like you can unload all yourself to them and its mutual trust between the two of you
9. When you can be silly and playful around them
10. When you feel so comfortable around them and your true embarrassing moments aren't so embarassing.
11. When you experience something unique together
12. When you can't find yourself being without them
13. When he/she puts a claim on you and wants his/hers buddies to know.
14. When you have an argument and you can't take another moment being mad at them/Make up is the best thing ever.
15. When you spend the night with them and wake up having no regrets.

There are many many things shows you are his/her number one woman/dude. I'm sure you can come up with your own.

Over the weekend, these are just a few of mine that pushed me into accepting It's time to Let Go.

Honestly, ladies and my brothas: If you find that special someone who makes your heart skip a beat and those feelings are mutual. Grap him/her up and hold tight. Be geniune and love them, you may never get that opportunity again.

Have you ever been in love? Ever felt the warmth of someone's heart? I can't wait to feel like that again and hopefully this time the feelings will be mutual.

COUNT IT ALL JOY

When trouble comes....Count it all JOY and Keep your Head High!

As I was going through some Utube videos, this one really Stood out and hit home. The lyrics are truly touching right for me now, but I like the video reflection of past movies, actors, songs etc. What I like the most was how it reminds me, that this situation; this circumstance that you (I) may be in right now, will also pass. And, when we look back at things; it reminds me that "we gonna make it." It reminds me WE got to keep on pushing. Through it all and Count each step, well, count it all joy.
For me the song and video has so much meaning and substance.
Count it on joy
Mornin' will come
The sun will shine
Keep your head high amd
COUNT IT ALL JOY

I hope you find it to be comforting and filled with growths of strength, determination and love.

Portrait of a Friend

I just celebrated my 45 years of living. What a fabulous birthday time. My mom and dad bought me a New Washer for my new home! I was so excited, came home and they had it set up and everything.

As I started my birthday, I prayed and asked God to keep me surrounded with only geninue friends. I only want genuine friends and I know they are hard to come by and at the same time, I only want to be a genuine friend. Surround me Lord with the inner circle of friends that will love, respect and honor what a friend should be.

But you Always gotta remember your friends like:
Ms. MARGARITA & Miss Chardonnay and my new BFF Queen Malibu!!! (just joking)

On a serious note, friends are hard to come by and true friends are few in number! If you get one in your lyfetyme, consider yourself blest.

"Portrait of a Friend"

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love who you ard and be your friend.
--Unknown

Facebook

Have you ever thought you had forgiven someone and find out later, that maybe you haven't? Well damn, I have and I just got nudged with a feeling of resentment.

All this freaking tyme I thought I was over this shit. Okay, here's the deal. Umm. I would say about 12 years ago (maybe longer) my ex husband's girlfriend called me up. Yep, she had my freaking house number cause she use to call when I was at work
( you know how we do). Anyway,

She called me crying and said Ms. Stella, please don't hang up but this is (and for the record I will leave her name out). And for the record, she calls me Ms. Stella. Now all of a sudden I'm Ms. Why the respect I don't know cause she didn't have it for me when she was riding around with my ex in my car and fucking my husband in my bed. For the record, she is/was a crack head, prostitute, shoplifter etc. Yes, my ex and I broke up over a crackhead and no I didn't put him out, he left on his own to live with this crackhead woman. Anyway, This is my rant so let me get this shit out.

She went on saying, that she had been watching me the whole time her and my ex was running around and she watched how I carried myself and that I was a REAL TRUE LADY. By now, I'm looking at the freaking phone and ready to hang up on her ass. But for some reason, that night I didn't, I listened. She continued to say, she admired me and was calling to ask for my forgiveness. She said, she knows I'm a godly woman and she hopes I will forgive her but if I didn't she's understands. Blah Blah Blah about how wrong she was and needed to tell me she was sorry. So make the story short, I told her I forgave her. Yep, I spoke the words of forgiving her out my mouth; but honestly never released the forgiveness from my heart.

Damn, its been 12 years and I carried unforgiveness around and never truly realized it until today. Why today? I'm glad you ask.

She sent me a facebook request for friendship. The shit doesn't hurt anymore, I long since moved on from that and would speak when I saw her. But I thought, how dare her ask me to be her facebook friend. We ain't cool like that...Now, when I recieved the notification at work on my blackberry phone, I immediately got pissed and started calling her all kinds of bitches. And not just her, but a few other women who have been getting under my skin. I was just going off about bitches and hoes and how I'm tired of them all. I was so ready to put her on blast on twitter and hit deny on my facebook.

Then I heard this STILL SMALL VOICE say, Stella; you told this woman you forgive her years ago, so why are you upset?

Ummm. I damn sure did, I remember her phone call so vividly. I started asking myself, Why am I so upset? I did tell her I forgave her. ummm. I get home tonight and I go to my facebook and pull her request and got nudged again with "TRUST IN THE LORD". That's her motto on her page. I just told my friend last night, I'm trusting in God and believing God. Trusting God.

You know, when I really think about it; this woman was a TRUE WOMAN. Ladies, you know how we do, we will fuck somebody else's man in a heartbeat and think nutting of it. I told myself, I would never hurt a woman that way because I know how it feels. But, I did and that's another story of its own. Anyway, She was the true woman by calling me up and asking for forgiveness.

Sometimes, we may think in our minds that we forgave but when you come face to face and look it in the eye, if you are upset about it or feel resentful; then you truly haven't released the forgiveness in your heart.

Today, I'm thankful that I can release in my heart forgiveness for this woman and truly mean it this time from my heart!

Muskies

Pookie made VARISTY MUSKIES!!

I'm sitting here missing my Pookie, ya'll. Don't ever tell him I called him that on blog. He wouldn't be too happy. Welp, he called me tonight he stills likes school and his classes. He hasn't been to the new house yet, so he has no clue what it looks like. Too bad, I can't muster up enough energy to get his room done for him. Not yet, anyway. So, his room is needing unpacked unless I get energy later on.

My baby made the Varisty Team. Yep, my freshman child starting on College Varisty. All I can say is "Go Jesus" work on him and for him! He loves his classes and getting his studies in, Lord I pray he keeps it up and stays focused.

So far, his major is in Special Education. My baby wants to work with special needs kids. He is soo like his mom when it comes to helping people.

You know the older our kids get, the more you worry about them. Tonight, Im happy and missing my POOKIE.

My freakin cable isn't on yet. Why the hell does it take them a week to come and turn my freakin cable on but if they don't get my money on time, there are quick to cut me off? Freakin Cable Company and I'm freakin bored with no TV. Can't even find my box of movies.

Moving - packing and unpacking, you gotta love it.

Sum Sun Shining

I love people. I love to talk with them, learn and share ideas/opinions and I'm always ready to pitch a hand to help. That's just my nature and who I am as a person.

But, when I meet someone who gives back to me it is even more amazing! It lets me know how much we as a people are loved by others!

I just met the most amazing person ever! I mean the mere conversation this person and I shared was so enlightening, inspirational and best yet; so enthusastic. Every word was exactly what I needed at this particular time in my lyfe. I believe it was God sent and defintely devine intervention. The energy that bounced with every word spoken was amazing.

Energized and filled with amazement of how people move from one level to the next is amazing. Have you ever had a conversation where word for word you just felt so in tuned? We talked on the street corner I know a good hour before we both realized, we had an appointment to meet.

Our disscussion went from one topic to another. I enjoyed the conversation and the energy that we both felt and I know it certainly does brighten up ones day!

I like the live energy that I felt and I will always remember that conversation!

Watch Out World! I was just told: THE BEST IS YET TO COME....DAMN-I'm excited!