BE STILL and LISTEN

Every now and again, I like to be still and feel the presence of God. This is one of those tymes. I'm spending my first nite in my new home alone and it feels so sootheing and comforting. Im enjoying this quietness before tomorrow sets in when all chaos breaks out with loading and unloading and moving stuff. And, of course of me doing what I do best, Be Bossy. lol. I'm being still tonite.

Im listening to Maxwell and reading my book I got from Cali, its a real good romantic book. This is my way of "Opening up to God". Like me, I'm sure most of you heard that phrase before, but can I ask you; what does that really mean? and How, do you really open up to God?

Now God for me is Christ. He is my first and foremost love. For you, it might be nature, spirit, the creator, budda, mother universe, etc. You get the picture; whatever feels right to you.

There has been many times when I had to use my faith and call upon God and everytime, he has always shown himself real. I'm sure, like you; I can share so many amazing stories how he shown himself real in my lyfe.

Opening yourself up to God really isn't that difficult at all. You simply just do nothing and just let go of trying to solve or resolve your situation. It's called "BE STILL". Do absolutley nothing. Feel, breathe and BE STILL. You see, in that quietness, you will find you are better able to identify with what's going on inside you. Better able to get answers, better able to just listen to that still small voice.

BE STILL and let down your guard, and surrender. Yep, this requires some courage on your scared behind. :)) But you can do it. Really its a part of you that becomes vulunerable on a deeper level. (people just don't seem to like to go there) Cause see it requires you to reach out right when you are alone and in the dark to an unknown source of power and love that you can not see. (now that's deep)

For me, letting down my guard means several things. Right now, I'm not ready to share those things. (maybe later, as time moves on) God has always been there loving me through the good times and the bad times.

He is my rock, my healer, my provider, my love and my protecter.

HE IS MY EVERYTHING!

What would letting down your guard mean to you? When was the last time you opened up to God?

ALL IN ONE

Casual Dating

This is for my brotha's. I use to have a few following me but I think I must have lost them. Not sure what happen to Frankie, Korry, Scizzle, Philosophy of James and any others. I guess my blog is too girly for them and they found no interest and stopped commenting.

A few of them felt that I was/am a MALE HATER. I'm not, got mad love and sorry, that they didn't find my blog suitable for men.

I'm from the ole school and trying to get with this casual dating thing and recently been told "I'm just not that in2 you". So, here I am. Back on the dating scene and trying to figure out, what does casual dating mean? let me explain.

It appears that we live in an era that forsakes commitment, dating and exclusive courtship. Now days men and women just want to casual date. (whatever the fu*k that means).

But as I'm out here trying to grasp the concept while still maintaining "The STELLA" got her groove back.

I'm beginning to notice that there are 3 types of men. Brotha's don't start hating me. Lets check them out:

The Starter: Well, I think he's the dude that gets things started. Takes you out and wines and dines you, but ends up at the end of the night with just a kiss or peck on the cheek. He never gets to 2nd base. You are not attractive to this dude at all, but oh well.

Then you have The Set Up dude: Now this dude is a little more desireable and a little more sexier. But, the set up guy; he is probably guy that wines and dines and then gets the kiss on the cheek at the end of the night. He is the one you may call up and say, hey you wanna check out a movie or hangout. He may be the one that ladies we go to and just vent and talk over our issues. You feel comfortable with him and he makes you laugh, but he just doesn't know how to sweep you off your feet.

Now you get down to The Closer: He's the booty call. He's the one you give the cookie to. He's the one that's called into the game to finish off what the others just couldn't do. He's the go to guy in tough situations The HOT COMMODITY for the ability to perform in the clutch.

Brothas, don't hate me and sistas don't get mad. If we really sit back and think about it, how many of you brothas have been either the starter, set up guy or the closer and never even knew it?

So my sistas & brothas, what does casual dating mean to you? Does it fall into one of these categories?

And what is your definition of a closer/maintenance man
I mean it would seem that all three of these dudes serve a purpose at some point in this game of casual dating, so which type of dude do you prefer and why?

AS for me, I guess I'm just ole school and believe I can find a man that can do be "ALL IN ONE". Some say I'm dumb for thinking that way, who knows.

2 OLD to play the game and 2 YOUNG to be alone

2nite, I'm feeling alone. I'm feeling like I wish I could turn back the time. I'm feeling like I wish I could set the time where we both were at the same stage of lyfe.

This is My open confession. My open letter to myself.

Dear Stella,

I know you want to have a lasting relationship. Trust me, Even though it may not always be easy, I realize you want it to be a lasting one.

Yes, you are Too old to play the game and you are defintely too young to be alone. Hold on girl, your change is coming.

I want a lasting one for you.
And, I know that it will mean the two of you would need to put forth effort and work to please, help each other.
and
to be fair and honest with each other.
You both would need to accept each other without judgements.

Stella, you would need to put forth effort and work:
to keep you own individuality, yet become one with each other
to remain strong and supportive in adverse times and good times
to be exciting and interesting to one another
to make each other laugh and always play with one another.

Stella, you both would need to put forth effort and work:
to always consider each other as the single mose important person
to always consider love and not take for granted the most imortant emotion that you can feel and that emotion is LOVE.

Stella, you both will need to always consider and re-consider your relationship.

Even though it may not always be easy to have a lasting relationship, working hard is very easy. And, Stella; the results can be the beauty of a loving and lasting relationship.

So, Stella, I write to you and I encourage you to hold on...your change is coming!

It does happen in our communities

The Strength of the Black Family.

HAPPINESS, TOGETHERNESS, LOVINGNESS, FOREVERNESS - IT DOES HAPPEN IN OUR COMMUNITIES

Inspite of the growing statics that are discussed that Black Families mostly have babies out of wedlock and have little or no chance in marriage. Or, if we do manage to stumble down the aisle, we are more than likely to end in divorce or some type of proverty.

Inspite of all the negative hype about the black families. I believe differently and I'm believing these numbers. 2008 statics shows that the turnaround is stunning. As reported by The New York Times, the Census Bureau says the number of black children being raised by two parents jumped 14 percent. "Let me say again, It jumped 14 percent", That's a positive change.

I'm one who most always goes against the grain and the odds and for the most part, the black marriage cup may not be running over but personally, I do see it as half full. I'm so sick and tierd of always hearing negative feedback and remarks about the black families. "I refuse to give up." I won't give up and I BELIEVE.

I just read this article and I wanted to share and see what your thoughts were: The article gives many suggestions on keeping the black families together. Seems simple to me, Here we go:

Marriage, with a mother and a father and children in one home, all reasonably happy in a reasonably stable home almost semms unlikely. As I personally think about this, I am asking myself what can be done differently to increase the chances of black families growing and staying together?
One couple who has been married for 47 years. (Can you imagine loving one person for 47 years?) I can. Me love ya long time, huh! lol Anyway, this couple said that they built a foundation together. Here is what they did:

1. prayed together
2. hung around couples who were loving and succesfully making their marriage work.
3. open communication
4. separate finances (they advise whatever works for the couple)
5. they never went to bed angry.
6. appreciated one another and never took each other for granted
7. shared household chores
8. respected and valued one anothers views and opinions and compromised any
differences.
9. maintained their own identity.

This seems so easy. I'm just not going to give up, not when I see other couples that I respect happy and loving each other after many many years.

It goes to show "black families are still strong".

UNDESCRIBEABLE

HE'S LIKE...

He's like a smooth chocolate candy bar. His lips are sweet and juicy filled with a taste that is Good to the last drop.
He's like a breathe of fresh air, that takes your breath away as you exhale.

Like an Oasis to my desert,
He was hard to find. once I did, it had me wonderin if he was really real...
Probably an allusion but still...
I'll remain in that desert only to spend more time with that mirage of him.
You see...
That's just how thirsty I am...

He only gave me bits & pieces so I guess I got a collage of him.
Set the coordinates 4 my heart & rain a barrage of him.
For 40 days and 40 nights.
I Want him all over me, so I tried camouflagin him.

Tryin 2 figure out if he is a gift or a curse
Figuring out which one is worse...
All I know is that if I'm the sun then he gotta be the center of the universe.
But to no avail...

Am I spiraling out of control?
Yea, he just keeps pullin me in.
Sucked into him like I was light and he was a black hole...
And I just can't excape.
Wishin upon a star so,
I'm hopin this was fate
So I'm sorry if I draw a blank
Its just so hard to concieve...
I need him Like I need the air that I breathe

But for some reason I'm still holdin my breath.
Hopin he don't play me to the left...

So in order for me to rest peacefully
I wanna give him every piece of me
& excuse me if I don't have no decency
But...
He's all I can think of as of recently.


As u can see, my enfactuation 4 him
Is undeniable...
So the best way 2 describe him
Is simply UNDESCRIBABLE...

(partially written by Ryan Jones)

I think this poem will be my first reading in public. Whenver I get the nerve to start reading poetry. lol

One word

The power of ONE WORD.

I had a great opportunity to attend the YSS Celebrate Youth Event and had a funtastic time.

We had several display items but the best one turned out to be the one most avoided. We displayed a wall called "Tearing down the wall of shame". This wall had very negative impactful layers of words that over time has destroyed us as a person. The object of the lesson was simply, replace the word with a positive word, symbol or phrase. You had to write the positive word on our block to rebuild the wall. Sounds easy enough, huh?

Why wasn't it, though? That's the one million dollar question, I keep pondering over.

Why is it so easy to speak negative words, thoughts or feelings to someone rather then give ONE KIND/POSITIVE WORD?

Why is it so hard to Just think of and give ONE POSITIVE WORD? Any thoughts or reasoning to this madness, because I truly don't get the concept?

Growth

I feel GROWTH

I'm a huge fan of the Tiny & Toya Show and yep, like many of you; I'm front center watching TV every Tuesday nite with my chips and dip. Last night, I was watching the Show and felt a strong sense of opportunity and a huge sense of GROWTH.

I love watching the show. Honestly, they are two young women who are inspiring a world with many of lyfe's challeging struggles. As I listened to Toya as she begins her journey, I felt a little bit quilty. If you saw the show, maybe like me, you were able to relate to her journey. Recently, I told a friend that I was tired of allowing people in my lyfe. I told him that I was tired of exposing myself to a world that could care less about my struggles. That was soooo untrue.

As I listened to Toya, she made me realise how offering or exposing your lyfe to the world is actually a blessing. She helped me understand that as we journey through lyfe and as you overcome raising kids, healing your broken heart, repairing finances, and health problems, the world needs to know. The world needs to know and the world needs to see how you have survived and made it through then they themselves can believe and begin their own journey.

This morning, I'm thankful for those two women Tiny & Toya and I'm grateful for the opportunity that God has given them to share their stories.

Likewise, I will continue on! What a blessing we all have if we take the opportunity.

METYME

Make You a PRIORITY!
I personally love METYME! I enjoy the quality time of loving, pamphering and doing me. From body oils to lotion, bubbles, candles, good sex, good books, dance lessons, yoga, good movies & music this is how I spend METYME.

So many women today, including myself, see themselves as caretakers. They take care of their children, even when they're grown, they take care of their partners, they take care of parents, siblings, friends, neighbors and coworkers. The one person they never take care of is themselves! I've learned through my journey of healing, to always take time out for METYME.

I think the one thing women don't understand is that we all only have a finite amount of time and energy, and when we spend all that time and energy on other people, we don't have enough left to nurture us. What we need to recongize is that taking time for ourselves, and doing things to make our own lives a little better, is NOT selfish, and the more we nurture ourselves, the more we have to give to others. You can not give what you don't have and you can't love unless you love yourself.

Taking care of YOU is a win-win situation. You feel better, you feel more at peace, you feel energized, and all of that is reflected upon those around you.

Sometimes little things can mean a lot. It could be that for you personally, could spend an hour with a good book and a cup of gourmet coffee will leave you refreshed, relaxed and revitalized. Maybe all it takes is a nice hot bubble bath and some soothing music. Whatever it is that it takes to re-energize you, you need to take that time out of your life to focus on yourself. Screw the world and have a calcon moment.

How many times have you found yourself feeling overwhelmed and frustrated that you never seem to have a minute to yourself? You have to take the initiative to MAKE that time. Can you tuck the kids in for a nap and take that bubble bath? Can you make a quick trip to the bookstore, between other errands, to pick up that book that you've been dying to read? Balance your time and certainly MAKE and TAKE the time for you.

Even if your answer is that you're way to busy, it's time to make YOU a priority in your life! You don't think twice about giving your time to others, so why think twice about giving equal time to you? Get rid of those feelings of guilt and selfishness, because it's way past time to put yourself at the top of your own list!

Start today with METYME! Love yourself enough to give back to yourself.

Laughter and Latte

Bad Hair Day.
Diva's don't always look their best, but that's what makes them a DIVA. We don't need to.

My son reminded me of the time when my I scared my nephew. It was so funny and we all still laugh about it after 7 or 8 years.
See, it's important to be able to laugh at yourself - and I remembered this funny story and wanted to share.

I'm sure it probably has happened to us all...Here's the story:

"After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"

This to me is very funny. I think about my nephew everytime I read this story.

ANOTHER FRESH START

Another FRESH START at NEWNESS...

Sweet Sexy Mike Vick gets another fresh start and I say,

Leave the man alone. "This is America. We do make mistakes and he’s been beaten up quite a bit over the last two years". Give the man a damn break...

He has done his time and lost almost everything he’d worked so hard to achieve.

Hastn't he paid the price required of someone looking to purchase a second chance?

Leave the fu**ing man alone.

I'm so glad he has another fresh start at NEWNESS. DO YOU VICK!!!


PHILLY may really be worth the ride, now!!!

A Fresh Start

A few months ago, I woke up to the word NEWNESS. I struggled from that time trying to understand the meaning. New boyfriend, New Friends, New Attitude, New What? At the time, I had no idea how this word would play into my lyfe.

Since, I didn't have a boyfriend and needed an attitude adjustment along with new SINGLE friends; I got very excited about NEWNESS..

Recently, everything has taken a halt. NEWNESS seems to mean what? A clean slate. The opportunity to start over. The chance to do better. What?

I developed new SINGLE friends that like the same as me and that's great. My youngest is leaving me on Wednesday. OMG...I'm not taking this very well, either.

Kinda living in boxes. I have to move and can't find a house.
Anyone who really knows me, knows I love this house. Landlord wants to sell, I knew this day was going to happen at some point. Honestly, as much as I love this house its not worth the money and there's is much hidden work that he covers up.

Anyway,
Even with having a boyfriend, NEWNESS is a little scary. I'm letting go and starting all over again. It's scary and exciting at the same time. We all need a second chance now and again, and for me my second chance will be to groove with my friends and journey on a new road. A road to NEWNESS. This road just means, Loving myself enough not to settle for a piece of a man this time.

You know, ladies, sometimes we settle for that piece of a man just so we aren't alone and we get a little d**k here and there. There has to be something else, because that is so boring and tiresome.

For me, A Fresh Start just means I'm starting over. I'm not giving up on love, not yet. I know love exists. And, Now is a good time to try again. This time, I'm much much wiser and I learned from my love mistakes. When someone tells you, don't call me "I'll call you; you respect that and try and move on. Not always easy though, especially when you're in love.

This is my FRESH START. My Fresh start with NEWNESS:
1. New home
2. New Boyfriend (wow, that sounds so profound to say)
3. New Attitude
4. New Single Friends
5. New Appreciation
6. New Ideas
7. New Hangout spots

Boy, I had no idea the word NEWNESS meant all this and meant A FRESH START.
I'm not really sure how I feel about NEWNESS right now. I'm packing and anticipating all those things above not seeing it but believing it all.

East Coast vs. West Coast

I know my damn ass should be packing. Just need to jot down my thoughts, real quick before I forget. Ya'll know ole timers is setting in, lol.

Anyway,

I was thinking about the East Coast and my experience out in Cali. Why is it that the people over there seem to be alot more laid back and carefree?

Why is it that West coast peeps seem to be angry, mean and fearful? Really, what's so different in the two areas that makes peeps behave and think so differently?

Here's a scenerio: I went to the bar downstairs at my hotel in Cali and all the tables were taken. So, I walked up to the bar and there was this drink sitting there but no one in the seat. I asked the gentlemen, was anyone sitting there? He turned and said, No. "But, I would love for you to." I never heard anyone say that before and the best part was that after geniune conversation, he was born in Cali but lives in Philadelphia. Small world, I know.

He was a real gentleman and never once carried a Thug like conversation or ghetto minded attitude. His statement lefted a lasting impression on me and I will never forget it. "No, But I would love for you to." What the hell, I thought he gave me a nice innocent compliment.

You don't get that here. Men here in West Coast or at least in Wheeling, Ohio, PA seem to behave differently towards women. At least all the ones I met. Seem to be thuggish, ghetto minded or they treat women as if we don't deserve.

I'm just wondering what the difference is on East Coast vs West? Is it the air or water? Really, what is it?
The peeps over there just seem to be very laid back and very carefree.

Clueless on the differences, but left a lasting impression on my Stella moment.

It's so nice to see

I'm getting antzy...Can't want to see them!


Music video | Family Reunion video

Take me back Ojays-Whispers and Johnny Gill SING TO MY BODY, baby!

Behind every Good Man...

I cannot promise you that I will not make mistakes
I cannot promise you that I will not have many different moods
I cannot promose you that I will not hurt your feelings sometimes
I cannot promise you that I will not be erratic
I cannot promise you that I will always be strong
I cannot promise you that my faults will not show
but,
I do promise you that I will always be supportive of you
i do promise you that I will share all my thoughts and feelings with you
I do promise you that I wil give you freedom to be yourself
I do promise you that I will understand you and not judge you
I do promise you that I will be completely honest with you
I do promise you that I will laugh and cry with you
I do promise you that I will help you achieve all your goals
I do promise you that I will communicate with you
but,
most of all
I do promise you that I will love you unconditionally.

poem by: Susan Schutz

The Stud Meter

Ladies, ladies

There are many times we wake up and/or go to sleep when we find ourselves (sometimes) dreaming/fantasizing of our favorite sexist actors/rappers. We all have our different opinions as far as who we each believe is sexier... these men can do me anytime day or night.


Totally turning me on...meow

3SUM

There's so much hype about a 3sum that I thought I would add to it. Sure its the every man's fantasy and maybe for some the every woman's dream. I have a friend that actually participated and unfortunately, her marriage was destroyed because of it.

Somethings especially bedroom headboard banging, should be left sacred for just the two of you and with no one else.


The 3sum, I think should be just this simple:
1. Knowing
2. Believing
3. Loving

Know who you are,
believe in who you are and who you are is enough
Love yourself deeply

There's no better threesome!!!!

One Step Closer

Cali had a Steve Harvey Store, ya'll!

Between Steve Harvey and Diddy, I'm not sure who's line of clothing I like best. I was so excited, walking through Steve Harvey's store in Long Beach.

I always said that my man would have at least one of his suits. I couldn't believe the store was right downtown, right there for me to see. Right Before my eyes. Made me believe even stronger that I'm just one step closer.

This man goes from comedy, to talk shows, to hosting, to clothing to writing books. He is an amazing man!!

His line of clothing is better up in person. Damn, to touch the material it just felt sooo damn good and sooo damn real.

God allowed me to see, It's happening for real. I'm One step closer! One step closer.
Cali had a Steve Harvey Store, ya'll!