Who Encourages the Encourager

I think the hardest thing at tymes is living alone and not having a partner or spouse that gives you encouragement. Especially if you are the ENCOURAGER! We all need support, encouragement, and simply to feel the gentle touch of a warm hand.

What happens when your the giver? Who gives you? I'm not speaking about the normal family support and encouragement, but more like when your just down and out. When you're feeling like giving up or when you want to take another step and move to another level. Who encourages the encourager?

Sorta like Train the Trainer. Same senario. Who Encourages the Encourager?

It's the same as the trainer needing trained before they can train someone else. The encourager needs encouraged themselves to keep on encouraging.
I personally don't believe a person should have to constantly have to encourage themselves.

When you see an encourager, take a moment and encourage them. Take a moment and suppport them. Sometimes, all an encourager needs is just one word. One touch. One Smile.

My Story

Feeling a lot of different emotions this past week. I think its all because I'm going through many changes all happening simultaneously.

I've been ask to speak at the YWCA Board of Directors meeting on tomorrow. Im feeling A little nervous. No, I'm a lot nervous and feeling somewhat apprehensive.

I don't know why. Yeah, I honestly do know why. For the first time since the shooting, I going forward and telling the story. I haven't told this story to a group of people and I get very emotional thinking about it. Its time and I know its time. It's been almost 4 years, in fact July 22nd is the date it all took place.

I have to speak to a youth group at a Church down in Shadyside in two weeks and I've decided to tell the story in a different unique way. I pray it works out the way I have it written down and how I'm feeling it in my heart. I pray, but I give it all to God and I've asked him the best way. He knows best.

Well, tomorrow I will share my story amongst a group of people for the first time since it happened. I hate telling the story, but I know its what I must do.

A FAIR HAND

Have you ever had a moment in lyfe that you felt like "you just wasnt dealt a fair hand"? Yea, if you're a person of color then I'm sure at some point you felt this way.

Now, I know we don't all get a fair hand. That's a given and that's simply lyfe, but what about when you know your just as good, just as loving, just as capable...simply just as but not give the fair hand.

What do you do? How do you handle it? Do you just whine and complain? Do you gain the attitude of poor pitiful me? Do you become the Debbie Downer? Or, do you just get pissed off and angry at the world and at the situation that nothing makes sense?

Well, for me I'm sick of the feeling. I'm sick of "White Privilege". I'm sick of working in the workforce and never being awarded the same opportunities as the next simply because of "white privilege". I'm sick of being told that Black men are choosing white women because Black Women are too angry. I'm sick and the feeling makes me through my hands up.

If you don't know what "White Privilege" is, I would suggest you look it up. Im so sick of seeing our black brothers deal the winning hands to white women while only handing one card or two over to us black women. I know I sound like a jealous mad women, but im speaking solely from experience.

I mean, literally, I've seen brothers go through the deck and pull out the cards they want both to have and in most cases the black women gets the shitty hand. They will hold back cards deliberately or even cheat and take cards out of the deck on us.

It's amazing to sit and watch how a black man just freely gives to the white woman. Never ever giving the same hand to us. It makes me wonder. If A fair hand had been dealt, what would have come out from it all?

And, Lord forbid if this man ever been hurt by a black woman. If he has, look out world because all black women will get 52 pick up! You can believe, he will go through the deck and hand over the cards to another woman and she nine times out of ten wont be a women of color. Check it out for yourself.

I'm by far prejudice nor angry. And I hope this doesn't sound off as such, I'm just tried of being dealt a shady hand.

VACA

Just made hotel reservations for 3 nights at Virginia Beach!!!

Can't wait. It's been 2 years since my boys, Sierra and I went away together. TLobus and I will split the cost and I'm looking forward to fun, laughter, good tymes, site seeing, swimming and plenty of memories!!

My grand-daughter loves the beach. We had fun on our last family vaca and this should be 3 tymes better!! Our suite has a patio and you can walk right out on the beach. I can feel the sand between my toes already.

It's summer tyme and I'm ready to enjoy the good times ahead!

TYME

Dear Lover of my Soul:
I'm sitting here, enjoying my porch. I'm sitting here with my laptop and appreciating the quietness, the breeze, the candle and the comfort. All of this makes me appreciate the tyme that I have with you.

I spent the day with my mother. Planning my dads 67th birthday. Tyme let me know, how blest I am to still have two wonderful parents alive and still together truly loving one another! We were sitting around looking back at pictures and laughing and reminiscing on growing up in the "SEARS household." It wasn't all that bad. My dad loves having memoirs and really so do I.

You know some people say, "there isn't enough tyme in one day" and that maybe true in most cases. But, you know what; we do have tyme. We should learn to make time, give time, and take time out for ourselves, our families and our friends. Lyfe is way too short to let tyme go by.

Dear Lover,
I'm thinking about how tyme heals. Tyme restores and tyme truly changes things and sometimes I believe tyme changes people. It changes how we think and how we learn and grow. With tyme I hope that we all become a better person.

It's sad though, how much tyme we let go wasted and withered away to rushing around completing absolutely nothing but complaining about everything.

Tonight, Dear Lover; I thank you for TYME and I appreciate every moment!

CrossRoads

As I sit here tonight, I'm looking over my lyfe and I truly have accepted that its tyme to move forward. I've currently reached a point of deciding which is more important.

I remember being here in this same position almost 5 years ago. The position of choosing to take a step forward and launching into the unknown. Here I sit again. Wondering, Pondering and creating more stress for myself than necessary. All that I do, If I believe in the work, cause or relationship; I give my all. I strive on excellence with everything that I do and I'm struggling with making a move that I know I will be most happiest at working.

Five years ago, I decided to leave my comfort zone of knowing faithfully every 2 weeks exactly how much my paycheck will be to launching into sales where first I would take on a salary decrease but have the potential to make as much money as I choose depending upong the quality/quanity of sales. I did it then, why is it so hard to take that same step again?

Well, After much praying, wavering and looking deep within; I've come to the conclusion that money is my reason. I've become accustomed to making damn near 60,000 thousand annually. That's what keeps me from moving and I'm now burnt out and not happy in this position.

Personally, I know that my purpose here on earth is social work. Helping those in need that may be struggling. That is where I'm truly happiest. Why?, because it's what I was born, created and destined to do. I'm at a crossroad right now.

Is it more important to have that high income or Is it more important to live out my destiny and purpose? Do I give up the luxuary and take a huge paycut but be happy Or, do I continue to make the money and be miserable at doing so?

What do you do when the work you want to do doesnt have the income that you're accustomed to making? I don't ever want to struggle again, I don't ever want to go backwards. I'm not getting any younger and I can't afford to change up careers but I know it's what my heart is saying. Crossroads, where does that take me?

Crossroads, hmmm.

ATTRACTION

Ladies, lets take a minute here and ask ourselves some deep real heartfelt questions? Like, what attracts you to a man? What are some qualities, that you are looking for in a man? And, What do you find sexy in a man?

And fellas, please don't hestitate to chime in and make your comments. Some of ya'll think I'm a "Male Hater", but I'm not...

I just want what I want and I want him to respect and treat me as his queen. I feel that two people should respect one another and respect their tyme, space and respect them as an individual person.

My friend uses the statement, "you attract who you are and not want you want". I'm not sure I believe that statement. I believe that a person will attract who they are but also can attract what they want. That is: If you know what it is that you want.

Well, here is what I find sexy in a man and what I'm attracted to with all the qualities that defines me.

I like:
A man that treats his mother with respect. How he treats his mom is how he will treat you.
A Praying Man (one that believes in the power of prayer)
A family guy (one who enjoys his family) very close knit.
Trusting type guy. Doesnt lie about every damn thing. Someone I would feel comfortable with handling my finances.
Swag got be on point. A little thuggish but quite the gentleman.
A man who is Confident. Very decisive with his decision making. Not wavering.
Definetely very very Intelligent (I want to be able to ask him anything and learn from him)
Good looks (I like dark skinned men with a great smile) A smile gets the best of me.
Very fashionable - Cares about his appearance, his image and loves to look GOOD. (A fashionalbe dude turns me on and to see a dark skinned guy with a sharp ass swag that really makes my head turn every time).
Likes to have fun.
Serious minded but knows when its time to relax
Aggressive with sex (Open to explore sexual pleasures on a healthly level)
Great personality (knows how to laugh and relax) Not too stern, mean and stuck up
One who is Healthy (not a freakin health nut, not sickly)
JOB is a must but he also needs to know how to maintain a budget.
Interested in me (concerned about how I feel and my needs)
Very good listener and communicator
He must be an activist within our community and the work of people

Well, certainly this is a list that may or may not be adjustable. I think it really defines the quality of a person. The type of man I want. I know he exist, I had him for just a short short tyme. Hopefully, I have him again and this tyme "I'm not letting him go".

So, What attracts you? What defines your wants/needs?