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Have you ever thought you had forgiven someone and find out later, that maybe you haven't? Well damn, I have and I just got nudged with a feeling of resentment.

All this freaking tyme I thought I was over this shit. Okay, here's the deal. Umm. I would say about 12 years ago (maybe longer) my ex husband's girlfriend called me up. Yep, she had my freaking house number cause she use to call when I was at work
( you know how we do). Anyway,

She called me crying and said Ms. Stella, please don't hang up but this is (and for the record I will leave her name out). And for the record, she calls me Ms. Stella. Now all of a sudden I'm Ms. Why the respect I don't know cause she didn't have it for me when she was riding around with my ex in my car and fucking my husband in my bed. For the record, she is/was a crack head, prostitute, shoplifter etc. Yes, my ex and I broke up over a crackhead and no I didn't put him out, he left on his own to live with this crackhead woman. Anyway, This is my rant so let me get this shit out.

She went on saying, that she had been watching me the whole time her and my ex was running around and she watched how I carried myself and that I was a REAL TRUE LADY. By now, I'm looking at the freaking phone and ready to hang up on her ass. But for some reason, that night I didn't, I listened. She continued to say, she admired me and was calling to ask for my forgiveness. She said, she knows I'm a godly woman and she hopes I will forgive her but if I didn't she's understands. Blah Blah Blah about how wrong she was and needed to tell me she was sorry. So make the story short, I told her I forgave her. Yep, I spoke the words of forgiving her out my mouth; but honestly never released the forgiveness from my heart.

Damn, its been 12 years and I carried unforgiveness around and never truly realized it until today. Why today? I'm glad you ask.

She sent me a facebook request for friendship. The shit doesn't hurt anymore, I long since moved on from that and would speak when I saw her. But I thought, how dare her ask me to be her facebook friend. We ain't cool like that...Now, when I recieved the notification at work on my blackberry phone, I immediately got pissed and started calling her all kinds of bitches. And not just her, but a few other women who have been getting under my skin. I was just going off about bitches and hoes and how I'm tired of them all. I was so ready to put her on blast on twitter and hit deny on my facebook.

Then I heard this STILL SMALL VOICE say, Stella; you told this woman you forgive her years ago, so why are you upset?

Ummm. I damn sure did, I remember her phone call so vividly. I started asking myself, Why am I so upset? I did tell her I forgave her. ummm. I get home tonight and I go to my facebook and pull her request and got nudged again with "TRUST IN THE LORD". That's her motto on her page. I just told my friend last night, I'm trusting in God and believing God. Trusting God.

You know, when I really think about it; this woman was a TRUE WOMAN. Ladies, you know how we do, we will fuck somebody else's man in a heartbeat and think nutting of it. I told myself, I would never hurt a woman that way because I know how it feels. But, I did and that's another story of its own. Anyway, She was the true woman by calling me up and asking for forgiveness.

Sometimes, we may think in our minds that we forgave but when you come face to face and look it in the eye, if you are upset about it or feel resentful; then you truly haven't released the forgiveness in your heart.

Today, I'm thankful that I can release in my heart forgiveness for this woman and truly mean it this time from my heart!