Where's Winston's Ass At?

I finally got my cable today. My house is starting to look like a home again. It's back to feeling comfy and cozy. Got my two damn boxes of candles out and its just a sweet aroma scent that fills my home with a relaxing, quiet, cozy feeling of energy. It's my safe haven called home. You know, I just realized I haven't called my home a safe haven since Steubenville. Wow!

But, where the hell is Winston's ass?

What better way to spend my first night with cable then watching my show "How Stella Got Her Groove Back". I stopped after work and picked up one of my friends, Ms. Chardonnay. I spoke about her before, she visits every now and again and always gives you a sweet smooth taste and a relaxing feeling. Anyway,

Where's my Winston? Dmanit- I need to feel Winston beside me loving me and loving every part of me.

Angela Bassett is really a sexy cougar on this picture. I love this show and in case you didn't know, this is where I got my name. A special friend actually called me this through email a long time ago.

For now, lets just say....I need me a Winston.

Have you seen his ass anywhere? If you see him, tell him "Stella is looking for him!"

Feeling the Heartbeat

This was very difficult for me to accept as well as it was for me to share: Over the past several months, I think I been in somewhat of a pre-mid lyfe crisis. Turning 45 and facing personal setbacks, mishaps, betrayal and experiencing the empty nest syndrome has been a tough road.

I think this past weekend really took me to the road of Acceptance to Let Go. Have you ever been in love? Ever felt the warmth of someone's heart?

Here is when you know you're special with someone:
1. When your very last thought at nite is of him/her
2. When your very first thought is of him/her in the morning
3. When being with them makes you feel like you're the most important person on earth
4. When your family tells you that there something different about you
5. When his/her friends knows who you are and you hang out with them
6. When you would climb the highest mountain for them
7. When you feel empty and lost without them
8. When the connection makes you feel like you can unload all yourself to them and its mutual trust between the two of you
9. When you can be silly and playful around them
10. When you feel so comfortable around them and your true embarrassing moments aren't so embarassing.
11. When you experience something unique together
12. When you can't find yourself being without them
13. When he/she puts a claim on you and wants his/hers buddies to know.
14. When you have an argument and you can't take another moment being mad at them/Make up is the best thing ever.
15. When you spend the night with them and wake up having no regrets.

There are many many things shows you are his/her number one woman/dude. I'm sure you can come up with your own.

Over the weekend, these are just a few of mine that pushed me into accepting It's time to Let Go.

Honestly, ladies and my brothas: If you find that special someone who makes your heart skip a beat and those feelings are mutual. Grap him/her up and hold tight. Be geniune and love them, you may never get that opportunity again.

Have you ever been in love? Ever felt the warmth of someone's heart? I can't wait to feel like that again and hopefully this time the feelings will be mutual.

COUNT IT ALL JOY

When trouble comes....Count it all JOY and Keep your Head High!

As I was going through some Utube videos, this one really Stood out and hit home. The lyrics are truly touching right for me now, but I like the video reflection of past movies, actors, songs etc. What I like the most was how it reminds me, that this situation; this circumstance that you (I) may be in right now, will also pass. And, when we look back at things; it reminds me that "we gonna make it." It reminds me WE got to keep on pushing. Through it all and Count each step, well, count it all joy.
For me the song and video has so much meaning and substance.
Count it on joy
Mornin' will come
The sun will shine
Keep your head high amd
COUNT IT ALL JOY

I hope you find it to be comforting and filled with growths of strength, determination and love.

Portrait of a Friend

I just celebrated my 45 years of living. What a fabulous birthday time. My mom and dad bought me a New Washer for my new home! I was so excited, came home and they had it set up and everything.

As I started my birthday, I prayed and asked God to keep me surrounded with only geninue friends. I only want genuine friends and I know they are hard to come by and at the same time, I only want to be a genuine friend. Surround me Lord with the inner circle of friends that will love, respect and honor what a friend should be.

But you Always gotta remember your friends like:
Ms. MARGARITA & Miss Chardonnay and my new BFF Queen Malibu!!! (just joking)

On a serious note, friends are hard to come by and true friends are few in number! If you get one in your lyfetyme, consider yourself blest.

"Portrait of a Friend"

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love who you ard and be your friend.
--Unknown

Facebook

Have you ever thought you had forgiven someone and find out later, that maybe you haven't? Well damn, I have and I just got nudged with a feeling of resentment.

All this freaking tyme I thought I was over this shit. Okay, here's the deal. Umm. I would say about 12 years ago (maybe longer) my ex husband's girlfriend called me up. Yep, she had my freaking house number cause she use to call when I was at work
( you know how we do). Anyway,

She called me crying and said Ms. Stella, please don't hang up but this is (and for the record I will leave her name out). And for the record, she calls me Ms. Stella. Now all of a sudden I'm Ms. Why the respect I don't know cause she didn't have it for me when she was riding around with my ex in my car and fucking my husband in my bed. For the record, she is/was a crack head, prostitute, shoplifter etc. Yes, my ex and I broke up over a crackhead and no I didn't put him out, he left on his own to live with this crackhead woman. Anyway, This is my rant so let me get this shit out.

She went on saying, that she had been watching me the whole time her and my ex was running around and she watched how I carried myself and that I was a REAL TRUE LADY. By now, I'm looking at the freaking phone and ready to hang up on her ass. But for some reason, that night I didn't, I listened. She continued to say, she admired me and was calling to ask for my forgiveness. She said, she knows I'm a godly woman and she hopes I will forgive her but if I didn't she's understands. Blah Blah Blah about how wrong she was and needed to tell me she was sorry. So make the story short, I told her I forgave her. Yep, I spoke the words of forgiving her out my mouth; but honestly never released the forgiveness from my heart.

Damn, its been 12 years and I carried unforgiveness around and never truly realized it until today. Why today? I'm glad you ask.

She sent me a facebook request for friendship. The shit doesn't hurt anymore, I long since moved on from that and would speak when I saw her. But I thought, how dare her ask me to be her facebook friend. We ain't cool like that...Now, when I recieved the notification at work on my blackberry phone, I immediately got pissed and started calling her all kinds of bitches. And not just her, but a few other women who have been getting under my skin. I was just going off about bitches and hoes and how I'm tired of them all. I was so ready to put her on blast on twitter and hit deny on my facebook.

Then I heard this STILL SMALL VOICE say, Stella; you told this woman you forgive her years ago, so why are you upset?

Ummm. I damn sure did, I remember her phone call so vividly. I started asking myself, Why am I so upset? I did tell her I forgave her. ummm. I get home tonight and I go to my facebook and pull her request and got nudged again with "TRUST IN THE LORD". That's her motto on her page. I just told my friend last night, I'm trusting in God and believing God. Trusting God.

You know, when I really think about it; this woman was a TRUE WOMAN. Ladies, you know how we do, we will fuck somebody else's man in a heartbeat and think nutting of it. I told myself, I would never hurt a woman that way because I know how it feels. But, I did and that's another story of its own. Anyway, She was the true woman by calling me up and asking for forgiveness.

Sometimes, we may think in our minds that we forgave but when you come face to face and look it in the eye, if you are upset about it or feel resentful; then you truly haven't released the forgiveness in your heart.

Today, I'm thankful that I can release in my heart forgiveness for this woman and truly mean it this time from my heart!

Muskies

Pookie made VARISTY MUSKIES!!

I'm sitting here missing my Pookie, ya'll. Don't ever tell him I called him that on blog. He wouldn't be too happy. Welp, he called me tonight he stills likes school and his classes. He hasn't been to the new house yet, so he has no clue what it looks like. Too bad, I can't muster up enough energy to get his room done for him. Not yet, anyway. So, his room is needing unpacked unless I get energy later on.

My baby made the Varisty Team. Yep, my freshman child starting on College Varisty. All I can say is "Go Jesus" work on him and for him! He loves his classes and getting his studies in, Lord I pray he keeps it up and stays focused.

So far, his major is in Special Education. My baby wants to work with special needs kids. He is soo like his mom when it comes to helping people.

You know the older our kids get, the more you worry about them. Tonight, Im happy and missing my POOKIE.

My freakin cable isn't on yet. Why the hell does it take them a week to come and turn my freakin cable on but if they don't get my money on time, there are quick to cut me off? Freakin Cable Company and I'm freakin bored with no TV. Can't even find my box of movies.

Moving - packing and unpacking, you gotta love it.

Sum Sun Shining

I love people. I love to talk with them, learn and share ideas/opinions and I'm always ready to pitch a hand to help. That's just my nature and who I am as a person.

But, when I meet someone who gives back to me it is even more amazing! It lets me know how much we as a people are loved by others!

I just met the most amazing person ever! I mean the mere conversation this person and I shared was so enlightening, inspirational and best yet; so enthusastic. Every word was exactly what I needed at this particular time in my lyfe. I believe it was God sent and defintely devine intervention. The energy that bounced with every word spoken was amazing.

Energized and filled with amazement of how people move from one level to the next is amazing. Have you ever had a conversation where word for word you just felt so in tuned? We talked on the street corner I know a good hour before we both realized, we had an appointment to meet.

Our disscussion went from one topic to another. I enjoyed the conversation and the energy that we both felt and I know it certainly does brighten up ones day!

I like the live energy that I felt and I will always remember that conversation!

Watch Out World! I was just told: THE BEST IS YET TO COME....DAMN-I'm excited!